Military Families and Child Custody in Washington State

Military families face unique challenges that civilian families often never encounter. Deployments, frequent moves, unpredictable orders, drill weekends, and long stretches away from home can make even a well-crafted parenting plan difficult to follow. 

Washington law recognizes these challenges and provides special rules to protect service members so that temporary military duties do not permanently reduce their rights as parents. Still, the court will not automatically create a functional parenting plan for a military household. Parents must understand the law, anticipate the realities of military life, and build a structure that protects the child’s stability while fully honoring the service member’s role.

This page answers common questions about how deployment affects custody, how to plan for relocations, what happens when orders change suddenly, and how Washington courts balance military obligations with a child’s best interests. With strong advocacy and clear planning, military parents can preserve their relationships with their children even under demanding circumstances.

➡ Read more about child custody on our page Child Custody and Father’s Rights in Washington

Myths & Misconceptions About Military Parenting Plans in Washington

Myth: “Military parents always lose custody because they move too much.”

Not true. Washington courts cannot penalize a service member for PCS orders, deployments, or the demands of military service. What matters is caregiving history and stability for the child. With a well-built proposal and strong advocacy, military parents at JBLM, Fairchild, Bangor, Bremerton, and Naval Air Station Whidbey Island routinely maintain major residential time.

Myth: “Deployment means the other parent automatically becomes the primary parent.”

False. Deployment triggers temporary adjustments, not permanent changes. Washington law restores the pre-deployment schedule when the service member returns unless a serious safety issue exists. With good legal strategy, deployment does not erase your rights.

Myth: “You cannot have 50/50 custody if you’re in the military.”

You can. Courts allow equal-time schedules when a parent’s assignment, housing, and availability support it. The plan must be realistic, child-focused, and carefully structured. Many military parents have secured 50/50 time through strong evidence and strategic presentation.

Myth: “SCRA lets you block or delay any custody case.”

The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act protects against unfair hearings, but it does not freeze cases indefinitely. Judges balance military duties with the child’s need for stability. Requests must be made correctly and backed by documentation — something our firm routinely handles for service members.

Myth: “PCS orders guarantee the court will approve relocation.”

Not quite. PCS explains why you must move, but does not automatically justify relocating the child. The court still evaluates Washington’s relocation factors. A well-crafted relocation proposal can succeed even when the other parent objects — the key is presenting the right evidence.

Myth: “If I’m deployed, the other parent can change the parenting plan permanently.”

Not true. Washington law protects deployed parents from losing rights simply because they are serving. Temporary changes end when deployment ends unless a separate safety concern is proven.

Myth: “Courts treat PTSD as an automatic danger to children.”

Courts look at conduct, not diagnoses. Many Washington service members parent safely and effectively while managing PTSD in a healthy way. Unsupported accusations usually backfire.

Myth: “If my ex refuses exchanges because I’m on drill weekend or TDY, I lose my time.”

Wrong. Missed time can be restored through makeup time, modified schedules, or enforcement. Courts expect both parents to work around military obligations. And this can be further supported in the parenting plan itself to make enforcement easier.

Myth: “I can’t stay involved if I’m stationed out of state.”

You can. Long-distance plans can include extended summers, holiday blocks, virtual time, and customized rotations. Parents create the plan; the court simply decides whether it is reasonable. Our attorneys help military families craft plans that keep relationships strong despite distance.

Myth: “Courts design military parenting plans for us.”

They don’t. Parents must propose the plan. Judges only choose between the options presented. This is why military parents need a firm that knows how to present their service, availability, and caregiving role in a clear, compelling way.

Understanding Military Parenting Rights in Washington

How do Washington courts make custody decisions for military parents?

Courts evaluate the same best-interest factors used for civilian parents: caregiving history, stability, communication, and the child’s needs. Military service is not a negative factor, and service members at JBLM, Fairchild, Bangor, Bremerton, and NAS Whidbey Island routinely secure strong parenting plans when their proposal is realistic and child-focused. If parents can’t agree, Judges do not design plans but rather they choose the better one that each parent presents.

Does military service count against a parent in a custody case?

Generally no. Washington law prohibits using deployment or military status as evidence of bad parenting. What matters is how the parent meets the child’s needs when they are available and what plan they propose to handle military-related absences.

Can a military parent be the primary residential parent?

Yes. Courts may designate a service member as the primary parent when they have historically handled most daily caregiving and their current assignment supports stability. We regularly see this at JBLM and Fairchild AFB for parents with predictable schedules or strong family support systems.

Can military parents get 50/50 custody in Washington?

Yes, when the schedule is realistic. Equal-time plans work well when parents live close to each other, communicate appropriately, and the service member has a stable, predictable assignment. Courts look closely at the specific plan the parent proposes, not stereotypes about military life.

Deployment and Temporary Duty (TDY/Training)

How does deployment affect custody and parenting time?

Deployment triggers temporary changes only. Courts cannot permanently change custody simply because a parent deploys.RCW 26.09.260. Washington law requires that the pre-deployment schedule be restored when the service member returns unless there is a genuine safety concern.

Can a service member delegate parenting time during deployment?

Yes. A parent may designate a family member (often a spouse, grandparent, or sibling) to have contact time with the child during deployment if the parenting plan allows it. Courts favor designations that maintain the child’s connection with the deployed parent’s family.

Can deployment be used against me in court?

Not by itself. Courts look at conduct, not military status. Deployment becomes a concern only if the home environment during non-deployment periods is unsafe or unstable. Service alone cannot justify restricting rights.

What if my deployment unexpectedly extends?

You must notify the other parent and follow the parenting plan. If the extension disrupts the schedule, temporary adjustments can be made through agreement or a short court motion. These changes end when you return.

PCS Moves, Relocation, and Out-of-State Stationing

How do PCS orders affect a Washington parenting plan?

PCS explains why you must move, but does not guarantee that the child can move with you. The child’s relocation still depends on Washington’s relocation laws and the 11 statutory factors. A strong relocation proposal can succeed even when the other parent objects.

➡ Learn more on our page Relocation with Children

Can I relocate with my child if I am reassigned out of Washington?

Possibly. Courts examine stability, school continuity, caregiving history, travel logistics, and the child’s relationships. Military orders are important evidence, but you must still show the move benefits the child’s long-term well-being.

What if my ex refuses to follow exchange or travel rules after my PCS?

Document the issue and request enforcement. Courts can order makeup time, allocate travel responsibilities more clearly, or impose penalties for repeated violations.

Service-Related Schedule Challenges

How do courts handle unpredictable schedules like overnight duty, drill weekends, or shift rotations?

Washington courts are accustomed to military schedules. Parenting plans may include alternate pickup times, “duty day” swaps, flexible exchanges, and a fixed number of makeup days. The goal is stability for the child and predictability for both parents.

Can I get a schedule that adjusts for TDY, field exercises, or duty cycles?

Yes. Plans can include rotating schedules, built-in makeup time, and triggers for temporary adjustments. Judges appreciate realistic proposals supported by evidence of availability and past involvement.

How do courts view long stretches of overtime or mission demands?

Courts look at the overall caregiving pattern, not isolated busy weeks. Demonstrating consistent involvement — school contacts, medical appointments, extracurriculars — helps establish credibility.

Communication, Virtual Time, and Maintaining Connection

Can my parenting plan include virtual time during deployment or PCS?

Yes. Courts strongly support virtual contact such as video calls, shared reading time, and messaging schedules. Virtual time supplements in-person contact but does not replace it.

What if the other parent blocks communication while I’m deployed?

You may seek enforcement or clarification. Parenting plans often include rules requiring reasonable communication during military absences. Judges expect both parents to support the child’s bond with the deployed parent.

Safety Concerns, Mental Health, and Domestic Violence

Will PTSD or counseling affect my parenting rights?

Not automatically. Courts evaluate behavior, stability, and treatment, not diagnoses. Many service members manage PTSD while parenting effectively. Acting responsibly and staying in treatment strengthens your case.

How do courts handle domestic violence allegations involving military families?

The court must assess safety first. Verified violence can influence the parenting plan or decision-making authority. False or exaggerated allegations can backfire. Military culture and stress factors are considered, but evidence controls the outcome.

➡ Learn more at our page Protection Orders

Support Systems and Family Involvement

Does living on base affect custody?

No. On-base or off-base housing makes no difference legally. What matters is proximity to school, child-focused routines, and safety.

Can grandparents or spouses help satisfy childcare needs?

Yes. Washington courts understand military families rely on strong support networks. Reliable family support can strengthen a parenting proposal.

Legal Process & Practical Planning

Do military parents have extra protections in custody cases?

Yes. The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) prevents unfair hearings when service prevents participation. But it does not stop cases indefinitely — courts balance military duty with the child’s need for stability.

Do I need a military-specific parenting plan?

Yes. Generic “every other weekend” plans fail quickly in military families and create conflict. A well-designed plan addresses duty days, overnights, short-notice changes, and deployment contingencies. Our attorneys build plans tailored to military life so the court can approve them with confidence.

How much does a military parenting plan case cost at Pacific Northwest Family Law?

Costs vary depending on conflict. Cooperative cases generally range from $4,000–$8,000. Contested cases involving relocation, deployment issues, or safety concerns can range from $10,000–$40,000+, depending on evidence, experts, and hearings.

How long does it take to resolve a military parenting plan dispute?

Straightforward cases can resolve in 2–4 months. Contested cases, especially relocation or modification disputes, may take 6–12 months, depending on county scheduling and military availability.

Protecting Your Parenting Rights While Serving Your Country

Military life requires sacrifice, but your relationship with your child should not be one of those sacrifices. Washington law provides meaningful protections for deployed and relocating service members, however those protections only work when parents understand how to use them. A carefully drafted parenting plan, realistic schedules, and timely legal action can prevent misunderstandings, avoid unnecessary conflict, and shield your rights from being weakened while you serve.

If you face deployment, relocation, or unpredictable duty schedules, you do not have to navigate the process alone. A well-prepared strategy can ensure that your parenting time is protected, your obligations are honored, and your child remains connected to both parents.

 

Reviewed by Attorney Zachary C Ashby, Pacific Northwest Family Law, November 2025.