Same-Sex Parents & LGBTQ+ Parenting Rights in Washington

Same-Sex Partners Must Take Affirmative Steps to Cement Parenting Rights

Understanding parental rights in same-sex families requires both a clear view of Washington law and a realistic understanding of how parentage works across state lines. Washington has one of the strongest legal frameworks in the country for LGBTQ+ parents, and the courts apply the same standards to same-sex parents that they apply to any other family. 

Even so, parentage for LGBTQ+ families often involves additional steps because issues such as donors, assisted reproduction, marital presumptions, and interstate recognition create legal risks that heterosexual couples typically do not face.

This page explains how parentage is established, what protections are available, how donor and surrogacy arrangements are treated, and what happens during custody disputes involving same-sex parents. It also addresses common misconceptions, when to obtain a confirmatory parentage order or second-parent adoption, and how de facto parentage works when legal parentage was never formalized.

These answers provide a practical overview of Washington’s parentage system so you can evaluate what legal steps you may still need to take, avoid unnecessary risk, and understand how the courts approach LGBTQ+ parenting issues in Washington.

➡ Read more about child custody on our page Child Custody and Father’s Rights in Washington

Myths & Misinformation

Myth: “Washington courts favor biological parents.”

False. Legal parentage—not biology—is what controls custody and support.

Myth: “Donors never have parental rights.”

Not always. A donor who participates in assisted reproduction with a written agreement giving up parental rights is not a parent. But if conception happened through sexual intercourse, or if there is no clear assisted-reproduction agreement, a donor may be treated as a legal parent. Washington courts look closely at intent, the circumstances of conception, and the written agreements—or lack of them.

Myth: “Only mothers can be primary parents.”

False. Courts focus on caregiving history and practical involvement, regardless of gender.

Myth: “If you are on the birth certificate, you’re safe.”

Being listed on a Washington birth certificate usually means you are a legal parent, but it is not as secure as a court parentage order. Marital presumptions and Acknowledgments of Parentage can still be challenged under certain circumstances, and they may not be recognized in every state. Same-sex couples—especially those using assisted reproduction or at-home insemination—should still obtain a confirmatory parentage order or second-parent adoption for nationwide protection.

Myth: “My ex can use my sexual orientation or gender identity against me.”

False. Washington law prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity in custody cases.

Myth: “Only biological parents can be legal parents.”

False. Washington recognizes de facto parentage and non-biological parentage through marriage, Acknowledgement of Parentage, and parentage orders.

Myth: “If we used at-home insemination, my partner automatically becomes a parent.”

False. Without a written agreement or legal process, at-home insemination can create parentage issues for both partners.

Myth: “If we divorce, the biological parent gets the kids.”

Not true. Courts treat both legal parents equally, regardless of biology.

Myth: “My partner’s ex or donor can suddenly claim rights.”

Not without meeting Washington’s strict parentage standards.

Establishing Legal Parentage in Same-Sex Families

How is legal parentage established for same-sex parents in Washington?

Washington law treats married same-sex couples the same as married heterosexual couples. If a child is born during the marriage, both spouses are presumed legal parents unless disputed through a parentage action (RCW 26.26A.115). Unmarried couples must establish parentage through acknowledgment, court order, or adoption to secure full rights.

➡ Read more about establishing parentage and paternity rights at our page Fathers’ Rights In Washington State

Is a non-birth mother automatically a legal parent in Washington?

If she is married to the birth mother, she is generally presumed a parent by statute. If not married, she must establish parentage through an Acknowledgment of Parentage or a court order. Without legal parentage, her rights are not secure.

Do same-sex fathers need a parentage order even if both names are on the birth certificate?

Being listed on a Washington birth certificate means you are a legal parent in Washington. However, a birth certificate by itself is not as secure as a court parentage order, especially for same-sex male couples using assisted reproduction or surrogacy. Some states do not recognize the marital presumption for two fathers, and Acknowledgments of Parentage may be challenged in limited circumstances. A court parentage order—or adoption—is the only document guaranteed full recognition in all states.

Are second-parent adoptions still recommended in Washington?

Yes. Even when you are already a legal parent under Washington law, an adoption or confirmatory parentage order provides stronger protection. Other states may not recognize Washington’s parentage presumptions for LGBTQ families, but they must recognize an adoption decree under the Full Faith and Credit Clause. A court order eliminates future challenges and ensures your parental rights are secure nationwide.

Do hospitals recognize both parents in a same-sex couple?

Usually, yes. But recognition at the hospital does not substitute for legal parentage. Hospitals follow their own policies and may default to the birth parent unless paperwork is in place.

What if the birth certificate lists only one parent?

You should establish parentage as soon as possible. The longer the delay, the more vulnerable the family is to disputes.

Donors, Surrogacy, and Assisted Reproduction

Does a known sperm donor have parental rights in Washington?

A known donor does not have parental rights when the child is conceived through assisted reproduction with the consent of the intended parents. Under RCW 26.26A.605, a donor is not a legal parent unless there is a clear agreement stating otherwise. However, if conception occurred through sexual intercourse, the donor is treated as a legal parent unless parentage is formally adjudicated. The method of conception and the agreements in place matter more than biology.

Can a known donor seek custody or visitation later?

Generally, no. A donor cannot seek custody simply because he shares genetics with the child. The only exception is when the donor has functioned as a parent in the child’s life—living with the child, taking on daily caregiving, and forming a bonded parental relationship. In those rare cases, a donor might attempt a de facto parent claim, but courts require extensive proof and most donor claims fail without a long-term parental role.

Do same-sex couples need a written agreement when using a known donor?

Yes. A written donor agreement is one of the strongest protections LGBTQ+ parents can have. It documents everyone’s intentions, confirms that the donor is not a parent, and helps avoid future disputes. Courts place far more weight on written agreements than conversations, texts, or assumptions. Without a written agreement—especially in cases involving at-home insemination—a donor may be treated as a legal parent unless parentage is formally established for the intended parents.

How do same-sex male couples secure parentage with a surrogate?

They typically obtain a pre-birth or post-birth parentage order. Washington’s Uniform Parentage Act allows intended parents to be recognized as the legal parents without adoption if statutory requirements are met (RCW 26.26A.700+).

Parenting Plans and Custody for Same-Sex Parents

Do Washington courts treat same-sex parents differently in custody cases?

No. Sexual orientation or gender identity cannot be used against a parent. Courts focus on past caregiving, stability, cooperation, and the child’s needs—not on the parents’ identities.

➡ Read more about parenting plans at our page Creating Parenting Plans in Washington State

Can a parent argue that the other parent’s sexual orientation harms the child?

Courts do not consider sexual orientation a negative factor. These arguments are routinely rejected unless tied to concrete evidence of harm, which is rare.

How do courts decide custody when both parents are “moms” or both are “dads”?

The court applies the same best-interest factors used in all custody cases. The primary consideration is the parent who historically met the child’s daily needs (RCW 26.09.187).

What if one parent tries to claim “you’re not the real parent” after a breakup?

If legal parentage was established, that argument is irrelevant. If not, the non-legal parent may need to file a de facto parent petition or parentage action. Delay weakens claims.

De Facto Parentage in LGBTQ+ Cases

When is de facto parentage used in same-sex families?

Most often when one parent never formalized legal parentage but acted as a full parent for a significant period. It is a path to secure full legal parent status (RCW 26.26A.440).

➡ Read more about De Facto Parentage at our page De Facto Parentage in Washington State

What evidence supports a de facto parent claim for LGBTQ+ parents?

Shared caregiving, financial support, cohabitation, participation in school/medical decisions, and holding out the child as one’s own. Courts demand detailed proof.

Can a biological parent block a de facto parent claim?

They can oppose it, but they cannot automatically prevent it. Courts assess whether the child formed a bonded parental relationship with the petitioner.

Protecting Parental Rights Across State Lines

Will other states recognize my Washington parentage order?

Yes. Court orders—including parentage judgments and adoptions—must be recognized in all states. However, parentage based solely on presumptions (without an order) may not be recognized everywhere.

Do we need extra legal steps before moving out of Washington?

If you rely on a presumption or informal arrangement, yes. Same-sex parents should have formal court orders before moving to avoid legal uncertainty in less protective states.

Challenging or Disestablishing Parentage

What if another man is listed on the birth certificate?

You will need a court action to clarify parentage. Parentage can be resolved through DNA testing, acknowledgment rescission, or adjudication. Timing is critical, especially if multiple presumptions or acknowledgments conflict.

Can I challenge parentage if I signed an Acknowledgment of Parentage?

Possibly, but deadlines are strict. Challenges based on fraud, duress, or mistake must be filed within the statutory time limits (RCW 26.26A.235). Missing the deadline makes the acknowledgment nearly impossible to overturn.

Can a biological father challenge parentage in a same-sex couple?

Only under limited circumstances. Biological ties alone are insufficient if legal parentage has already been established under statute or adoption.

Support, Relocation, and Post-Decree Issues

Does child support work differently for same-sex couples?

No. Child support is based on income. Gender and sexual orientation are irrelevant.

Can a same-sex parent be the “primary residential parent”?

Yes. Courts make that decision based on caregiving history, availability, and the child’s needs—not on which parent is biologically related.

How does relocation work for same-sex parents?

The same relocation statute applies (RCW 26.09.405–.560). Gender, orientation, or family structure does not affect relocation rights.

Costs, Process, and Practical Planning

How much does it cost to establish parentage for same-sex parents?

A straightforward confirmation of parentage or adoption typically ranges from $3,000–$5,000+ at Pacific Northwest Family Law. Cases involving disputes, donors, or complex parentage may range from $7,500–$45,000+, depending on conflict and evidence. The higher the conflict between the parties, the higher the cost.

How long does it take to secure parentage?

Simple cases may finalize within 2–4 months. Contested cases or de facto parentage actions may take 6–12 months or longer.

What documents should LGBTQ+ parents keep to protect their rights?

Keep donor agreements, IVF/clinic consents, shared financial records, proof of involvement with the child, and any acknowledgment documents. These help secure parentage and prevent future disputes.

Protecting LGBTQ+ Families With Clear Legal Parentage

LGBTQ+ parents in Washington have strong legal protections, but those protections depend on whether parentage has been formally secured. Marital presumptions, Acknowledgments of Parentage, and birth certificates all create legal parentage in Washington, yet families who rely on these alone remain vulnerable when traveling, moving, or navigating donor and assisted-reproduction issues. A court parentage order or second-parent adoption is still the strongest and most permanent protection available.

Whether you are building a family through assisted reproduction, using a known donor, raising a child as a non-biological parent, or facing a custody dispute after separation, the rules for parentage follow the same principles applied in all family law cases: caregiving history, stability, safety, and the best interests of the child. Taking the right legal steps early reduces conflict and protects the entire family for the long term.

Reviewed by Attorney Zachary C Ashby, Pacific Northwest Family Law, November 2025.