Divorce is one of the most serious decisions a person can make. It affects your home, your finances, your children, and the rhythm of your daily life. Before taking that step, you deserve clarity—not panic, pressure, or rushed decisions.
Most people who reach our office have already spent months, sometimes years, trying to repair their marriage. They have spoken with pastors, counselors, trusted friends, or family members. They’ve worked to rebuild trust or stability, and they want to know what will happen if those efforts are no longer enough. We respect that process. No one should be encouraged toward divorce; they should be prepared for it if it becomes necessary.
Preparation is not about gathering ammunition or planning an attack. It’s about understanding your situation so you can make thoughtful, grounded decisions. The way you begin a divorce often determines the tone, cost, and outcome of the entire case. Early planning protects your finances, preserves evidence, and prevents unnecessary emergencies. It also keeps children shielded from conflict and allows parents to move forward with structure rather than chaos.
This stage requires honesty—with yourself most of all. Are you safe? Do you understand your household finances? Are you keeping your communications calm and controlled? Do you have a plan for where you will live? These are practical questions, not emotional ones, and they must be answered before anything is filed.
Whether you ultimately decide to stay or separate, early preparation gives you options. And if the time comes to file, having the right information—and the right team—ensures you start from a position of strength, stability, and integrity.
Deciding Whether to Divorce
What should I do first if I’m thinking about divorce in Washington?
Begin by understanding your situation before making any moves. Gather financial information, review your household responsibilities, and consider how divorce may affect housing, children, and income. Clarity comes before action.
How do I know when it’s time to talk to a divorce attorney?
Talking to a divorce attorney is never to first step. But once you’ve exhausted other ways to fix your relationship and home life, then it’s time to start with a divorce attorney. An experienced attorney can help you make sure things are timed right and prepared so you aren’t moving ahead unprepared.
Should I try counseling or religious guidance before divorce?
We always recommend counseling or religious guidance. Divorce should be the last option after you’ve tried everything else.
Financial Preparation
How do I protect myself financially before filing for divorce?
Quietly gather essential documents: tax returns, bank statements, loan information, pay stubs, and retirement records. Staying informed protects you from misinformation, hidden spending, or sudden financial changes from the other spouse.
Do I need to open my own bank account before filing?
Timing is important when it comes to bank accounts and overall strategy will also play an important role. Opening a bank account before filing means that the account is still community property and anything in the account would, legally speaking, be part of the divorce. But even if you open an account after filing, anything you do with the account will need to be disclosed in order for the divorce to be completed. And having an account that only you control can sometimes help prevent bad acts from your soon to be ex.
What documents should I gather before starting the divorce process?
Collect a full financial picture from the past 24 months:
- Pay stubs, W-2s, and tax returns
- Bank, credit card, and loan statements
- Mortgage, lease, and vehicle documents
- Retirement and investment accounts
- Insurance policies and beneficiary designations
Organized records reduce costs and prevent disputes later.
Should I stop using joint credit cards before filing?
It is more important that financial management is tracked and disclosed during the divorce process. Remember that anything you do before the divorce could end up in front of a judge. The last thing you want is to give the impression you were trying to hide assets or trick your soon to be ex spouse.
Housing, Safety, and Communication
Should I tell my spouse I’m planning to file, and how?
Only if it is safe to do so. If the relationship is stable, honest conversation can ease the transition. If you fear retaliation or control, talk to an attorney first to plan timing and communication.
Is it okay to move out before filing for divorce?
Moving out can affect temporary parenting arrangements, finances, and stability. Before leaving, discuss timing and strategy with an attorney so the move doesn’t undermine your long-term goals.
How can I keep my planning confidential if I’m not ready to file?
Use private devices, change passwords, and avoid shared email accounts or family iCloud systems. Store documents outside the home if necessary. Attorneys can help you prepare discreetly without raising alarms prematurely.
What should I avoid saying or texting before divorce?
Assume every message can appear in court. Avoid insults, threats, or emotional commentary. Speak factually, briefly, and respectfully—or not at all until you have guidance.
Protecting Children Before Filing
How should I prepare my children for divorce?
You should not tell children until you have a clear, safe plan. Parents should strive to provide a unified explanation focused on reassurance: you love them, the divorce is not their fault, and their routine will be protected.
➡ More detail appears in the Parenting & Child Issues pillar.
Do I need a temporary parenting plan before filing?
Not always, but when conflict is expected, early discussions with an attorney can help you secure temporary structure that prevents surprises or rushed decisions.
Legal and Practical Strategy
What mistakes should I avoid before filing for divorce?
Avoid hiding assets, venting publicly, moving out impulsively, or making major financial decisions without advice. Early missteps often become evidence later.
How do I choose the right attorney for my goals?
Look for a lawyer who prioritizes structure, preparation, and long-term outcomes instead of someone who pushes you toward anger or unnecessary conflict. The decision on how you will divorce is every bit as important as the decision to divorce.
Can early planning save money and stress later in the case?
Absolutely. Clients who prepare finances, documents, and goals before filing avoid emergency hearings, miscommunications, and reactive litigation. Preparation is one of the strongest predictors of a calm process.
Special Circumstances
What if I suspect my spouse is hiding money before the divorce?
Document anything unusual, gather statements, and speak to an attorney quickly. Your attorney will be able to better uncover any underhandedness the more information you are able to provide.
How should I plan if I fear domestic violence or retaliation?
Safety comes first. Plan where you will stay, how you will communicate, and whether a protection order is necessary. Timing your filing and planning service of documents is critical.
Can I talk to an attorney without my spouse knowing?
Yes. You have the right to confidential legal advice. Attorneys cannot disclose your consultation, and you are not obligated to tell your spouse.
You do not need to rush into divorce, and you should never step into it blindly. Careful planning at the beginning protects your finances, your children, and your ability to move forward without crisis or regret. Once you’ve reached the point where staying has become unsafe, unfair, or unworkable, an attorney can help you build a path that reflects your values and long-term goals.
At Pacific Northwest Family Law, we approach pre-divorce planning with calm structure and clear priorities. We help you understand your options, prepare your documents, and avoid mistakes that create conflict. You will never be pushed toward divorce—but if you decide the time has come, you will be ready.
When you are prepared, the process becomes manageable. When you have guidance, it becomes understandable. And when you act with clarity, you protect what matters most.
Reviewed by Attorney Zachary C Ashby, Pacific Northwest Family Law, November 2025