Most marriages don’t end with a blowout fight.
They end with silence. Distance. Emotional entropy.

At Pacific Northwest Family Law, we fight against the harm that divorce brings.
Not every marriage can—or should—be saved. But too many fall apart quietly, when they could have been rebuilt.

We believe marriage is a good thing—maybe the best thing.
At its best, marriage makes us more than we are alone. It stretches us. It matures us. It gives us a mission: to grow, to give, and to hold up something bigger than ourselves.

That’s why the best divorce work starts with prevention.
We’ve seen the roots of divorce up close—and most of them are small, quiet, and fixable if caught in time.

These are the patterns we see over and over in our office.
They’re the early symptoms of emotional entropy: the slow unraveling of connection, trust, and unity.

You can face them and grow. Or you can ignore them—and let entropy win.

1. Hiding Money = Hiding Trust

Financial independence isn’t the problem. Secrecy is.
Separate accounts, undisclosed credit cards, unspoken spending—these aren’t quirks. They’re cracks.

In Washington, “separate” accounts don’t automatically mean separate property.

Fix it: Schedule regular money talks. Budget together. Share goals. Transparency builds security. Secrets destroy it.

2. Dodging the “Do We Want Kids?” Conversation

Some couples assume love will conquer unspoken differences.
It doesn’t. We’ve seen marriages fall apart over mismatched expectations about children—whether to have them, how many, and when.

Fix it:

Don’t wait for conflict. Have the conversation now. Even if it’s uncomfortable.

3. Letting Romance Die

No more dates. No more compliments. No more flirting.
Just task lists and tired silence. And eventually, resentment.

Fix it:

Show up like you’re still trying to win each other. Plan surprises. Say thank you. Touch more.

4. Living Together, Dreaming Separately

When couples stop making plans together, they stop moving forward together.
One wants to travel. One wants to settle down. But no one talks about it—until they’re dividing assets.

Fix it:

Share goals. Talk about the next five years. Dream together or risk emotional entropy becoming permanent.

5. Using Kids as Messengers

This one cuts deep. When spouses stop communicating directly, they often start talking through their children. Or worse, turning them into evidence.

Fix it: Keep your kids out of the conflict. They’re not there to carry your messages—or your pain.

6. Mistaking Quiet for Peace

Just because you’re not fighting doesn’t mean everything’s fine.
When touch, laughter, and curiosity vanish, what’s left isn’t peace—it’s emotional entropy.

Fix it:

Reconnect on purpose. Ask questions. Make eye contact. Start small—but start.

7. Letting the Pain Pile Up

We’ve seen it again and again: silence instead of honesty, criticism instead of gratitude, and therapy only when it’s already too late.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say in a marriage is:
“Thank you.”

Even for the small things. Especially for the small things.

Gratitude builds trust. Criticism drains it.
Unspoken pain builds walls. Asking for help breaks them down.

Fix it:

Say what’s real. Say what hurts. Say thank you. And don’t wait until the emergency to seek help.

8. Fighting While Exhausted

It feels noble to stay up and “work it out.”
But sleep-deprived arguments rarely bring resolution—just regret.

Fix it: Press pause. Go to bed. Come back to the conversation when you’re calm and rested.

9. Losing Shared Ground

We’ve seen marriages survive deep loss, long-distance, even betrayal—
But they rarely survive isolation.

When couples stop doing things together, they stop growing together.

Fix it:

Find something—anything—you can share. A hobby. A hike. A faith. A project. A game night.
It doesn’t have to be big. But it has to be shared.

10. Waiting Until the End to Try

Many couples wait until one spouse has already emotionally checked out.
By then, every apology feels hollow. Every attempt feels forced. It’s not that the effort doesn’t matter—it’s just too late.

Fix it:

Don’t wait for the crisis. Don’t assume tomorrow will be better without action today. If it feels off, say something. Do something.

💬 Final Word: Don’t Let Emotional Entropy Win

You don’t have to be perfect to stay married.
But you do have to grow.

Marriage breaks when people stop trying.
Or when they start waiting—waiting for their partner to change, to apologize, to lead.
You can’t control them. But you can control what kind of partner—and person—you’re becoming.

These warning signs aren’t death sentences. They’re invitations to choose better.
And if the relationship can’t be saved, your story doesn’t end in failure.

At Pacific Northwest Family Law, we work to minimize the harm divorce can cause—especially to children and to your own future.
We do that by improving communication, setting healthy boundaries, and creating rules of engagement that let both parties move forward with clarity and self-respect.

Divorce doesn’t have to destroy your life.
It can be a reset. A fresh start. A path toward healing—and yes, even happiness.

You may even find love again. Real love. The kind that lasts into old age.

Whatever your path forward, we’ll help you take the next step with strength, dignity, and purpose.
Because we don’t just help people file for divorce.

We help them become family heroes.