Parenting Plan Dispute Resolution in Washington

Learn the Standards for Resolving Disagreement

Even in the best co-parenting relationships, disagreements will happen. Parenting plans are designed to give parents a clear structure for raising their child, but they cannot prevent every conflict. When parents disagree about communication, activities, school decisions, or the meaning of certain parts of the plan, Washington law expects them to follow the dispute resolution steps listed in their Final Parenting Plan before going back to court.

Most plans require mediation or another neutral process as the first step. These tools help parents solve problems without long delays and without placing the child in the middle of adult conflict. But parents are often unsure when mediation is required, when it can be skipped, and what to do when the other parent refuses to participate or uses the process in bad faith. 

This page explains how dispute resolution works under a final parenting plan, when exceptions apply, and how parents can move forward safely and effectively when conflict becomes too difficult to manage alone.

➡ For more general information about child custody, see our page Child Custody and Father’s Rights in Washington

Myths & Misconceptions About Resolving Disputes Under a Parenting Plan

Myth: “I can skip mediation if the other parent is difficult.”

Not true. Most Washington parenting plans require mediation or another dispute-resolution step before going to court. Feeling frustrated, intimidated, or disrespected does not automatically excuse you from following the process. Only true safety risks—such as documented domestic violence—change the requirement.

Myth: “If the other parent violates the plan, I can go straight to court.”

Usually incorrect. Unless there is an emergency or a safety issue, you must follow the dispute-resolution provisions in your parenting plan. Judges routinely deny motions when parents skip the required steps.

Myth: “Mediation can change my parenting plan.”

Not on its own. Mediators cannot change your rights. Only a written agreement signed by both parents—and approved by a judge—can modify the plan. Mediation is a tool for problem-solving, not a shortcut to new orders.

Myth: “I don’t need a lawyer for dispute resolution.”

You don’t have to have one, but many parents make costly mistakes by agreeing to unclear or harmful terms in mediation. Legal advice helps ensure any agreement you make is enforceable and aligned with the child’s best interests.

Myth: “If the other parent refuses to participate, nothing can be done.”

Incorrect. A parent who repeatedly refuses required dispute-resolution steps can lose credibility in court, face sanctions, or allow you to bypass mediation entirely. Courts expect good-faith participation from both parents.

Myth: “Mediation is pointless—judges don’t care if we tried.”

In fact, judges care a lot. Courts look at cooperation, reasonableness, and willingness to resolve conflict. Parents who make good-faith attempts often receive more favorable consideration when decisions are made.

Myth: “Everything in the parenting plan must go through mediation first.”

Not true. Most plans list specific exceptions—usually emergencies, safety issues, or certain violations—that can go straight to court. Reading Section 7 of your plan carefully is essential.

Myth: “If the mediator says we’re too high-conflict, the judge will take the other parent’s side.”

Not at all. When mediation fails, the dispute simply moves forward to court. A mediator’s conclusion is not a finding of fault; it only means the process is exhausted.

Myth: “Once I start dispute resolution, the court will step in quickly.”

Not necessarily. The dispute-resolution process must run its course unless an emergency exists. Courts generally intervene only after required steps fail.

Myth: “Dispute resolution is optional—it’s just a suggestion.”

Absolutely false. It is a court order. Ignoring it can result in denied motions, sanctions, or even contempt. Courts expect strict compliance unless an exception applies.

When Parents Disagree About the Parenting Plan

What do I do if the other parent will not follow the parenting plan?

If the other parent is not following the plan, you must use the dispute resolution steps listed in your parenting plan before returning to court, unless there is an emergency. This often begins with mediation or another agreed process. If the problem continues, you may seek enforcement.

➡ Learn more at Parenting Plan Enforcement and Contempt

Do I have to try mediation before going back to court?

Most Washington parenting plans require parents to attempt mediation before filing motions. The Final Parenting Plan Order explains that parents must participate in dispute resolution unless a true emergency exists. Look at section 7 of your Final Parenting Plan. If mediation fails or the other parent refuses to participate, you may proceed to court.

What counts as an emergency so I can skip mediation?

Emergencies include situations involving immediate danger to the child, serious safety concerns, threats, or circumstances where delaying court action could cause harm. Everyday disagreements about schedules or communication are not emergencies.

➡ [link: Special Circumstances in Parenting Cases]

What if the other parent threatens me or the child?

If you are in immediate danger, call law enforcement first. Threats, violence, or situations involving safety should be brought directly to the court. These issues fall outside normal dispute resolution.

 ➡ [link: Special Circumstances in Parenting Cases]

Can a judge punish a parent for skipping the dispute resolution process?

Yes. Courts can order fees or other consequences when a parent ignores the dispute resolution requirements in the parenting plan. Courts expect both parents to follow the Final Parenting Plan, whether they agreed to it or it was ordered after a hearing.

Does the dispute resolution process apply to every issue in the parenting plan?

Most issues require dispute resolution first, but emergencies and certain safety issues can go directly to court. Your plan should list the exceptions. Look carefully at Section 7 of the Final Parenting Plan.

Mediation Under a Final Parenting Plan

Can I refuse mediation if the other parent is abusive or controlling?

You should not skip mediation unless the parenting plan clearly allows it. Many parents feel the other parent is controlling or manipulative, and those concerns are valid, but they do not automatically excuse you from following the steps in your plan. Washington courts usually allow a parent to bypass mediation only when there is actual domestic violence, physical harm, threats of harm, or another documented safety risk. If you are unsure whether your situation qualifies, talk with an attorney before refusing mediation. The attorneys at Pacific Northwest Family Law can help you understand your rights and make sure you do not violate the parenting plan by accident.

What if the other parent refuses to participate in mediation?

If a parent refuses to attend mediation without a valid reason, the court can allow you to proceed directly to a hearing. Judges may also consider the parent’s refusal when deciding fees or sanctions.

What if the mediator says we are too high-conflict and cannot reach an agreement?

If a mediator determines the dispute cannot be resolved, you generally have completed your dispute resolution requirement. You may then file a motion in court as long as the mediator confirms that further mediation would not be helpful.

What if the other parent uses mediation to stall or delay the case?

A parent cannot use mediation to stall the process or avoid resolving urgent issues. If delays become a pattern, courts may allow you to bypass mediation and may consider the parent’s behavior when awarding fees.

What if we disagree about the mediator?

If parents cannot agree on a mediator, they must follow the selection process listed in Section 7 of their Final Parenting Plan. Some plans name a specific mediator. Others list how to choose one, such as selecting from an approved list or asking a court-appointed neutral for recommendations. If the plan does not spell it out, parents can work with their attorneys to select a qualified mediator who understands Washington parenting plans. If a parent refuses to participate in choosing a mediator, the court may allow you to move forward without that parent’s cooperation.

Arbitration and Neutral Decision-Makers

What is arbitration in a Final Parenting Plan?

Arbitration is a private process where a neutral person hears both sides and makes a decision. It’s kind of like going to court, but not with a superior court judge. The arbitrator takes the place of a judge and his or her decisions are binding just like a judge. Some parenting plans list arbitration as the method for resolving certain disputes.

Are arbitration decisions binding?

Usually yes. Arbitration decisions are generally binding unless your plan limits the arbitrator’s authority or allows court review. Arbitration can be faster than court but still results in enforceable decisions.

Can a parenting plan require parents to use arbitration instead of court?

Yes. Some plans require arbitration for specific disagreements, such as school disputes or interpretation of the plan. Parents cannot ignore arbitration if it is required in the Final Parenting Plan.

Who chooses the mediator or arbitrator listed in the plan?

Many plans identify a specific neutral or describe how one will be chosen. If parents cannot agree, they must follow the selection process described in Section 7 of their Final Parenting Plan. They can and should work with family law attorneys to select a qualified individual to be the mediator or arbitrator for there matter.

Counseling, Parenting Coordination, and Other Neutral Helpers

What is a Parenting Coordinator in Washington?

A Parenting Coordinator is a trained professional who helps parents resolve small disagreements and implement the parenting plan. They do not replace a judge but can resolve issues more quickly.

Can the court order communication counseling if parents cannot get along?

Yes. Some Final Parenting Plans require parents to attend communication counseling or co-parenting sessions when conflict harms the child. These requirements are part of the plan and must be followed.

Do I have to participate in counseling required by the plan?

Yes. Required counseling is a court order. A parent who refuses may face penalties or lose credibility in later hearings.

What happens if the other parent refuses to attend counseling or parenting coordination?

If the other parent will not participate, you can document the refusal and ask the court to waive the requirement or take action to enforce the plan.

Going Back to Court When Dispute Resolution Fails

How long do I have to wait before going back to court?

You can return to court once you have completed the steps in Section 7 of your Final Parenting Plan or if the plan allows you to bypass dispute resolution due to an emergency or safety issue.

Can the court waive the dispute resolution requirement in my case?

Yes. Courts may waive it when mediation or counseling has failed, when a parent refuses to participate, or when a safety issue makes dispute resolution inappropriate.

Can I file a motion if the other parent will not respond to me at all?

Yes. If the other parent ignores all attempts to resolve the dispute, a judge may allow you to proceed without mediation because the dispute resolution process cannot work without cooperation.

A Clear Process Helps Parents Solve Problems the Right Way

A parenting plan does more than set a schedule. It also creates a path for solving disagreements in a way that protects the child and keeps parents focused on stability. When parents follow the steps in their Final Parenting Plan, they often resolve problems faster and with far less stress. And when a disagreement cannot be resolved through mediation, counseling, or other neutral steps, completing the process gives the court the information it needs to step in and help.

Dispute resolution does not prevent every conflict, but it does give parents a predictable, fair, and child-centered way to move forward. As you continue through this guide, you will see how dispute resolution connects to modification, enforcement, and the other parenting tools Washington provides to support healthy families.

 

Reviewed by Attorney Zachary C Ashby, Pacific Northwest Family Law, November 2025.