I am sure that you have seen the ads that promise you aggressive representation. Maybe the ad said how much the attorney would fight for you. That he cared and that he would make the other side pay. And you bought into the idea that fighting is the only way to go–maybe the right way to go.

TV and Social Media are wrong about fighting for custody

Many people believe that to win an argument, they must pound the other side. You may have seen Judge Judy, the People’s Court, or Law and Order, or some other television show and can see that the courtroom is an all or nothing fight.

And to win a fight, you need a fighter. Right?

What all these ads and TV shows don’t tell you is that when you fight aggressively, the only person who wins is the attorney. Why? Because fighting always leads to higher costs and a prolonged case. Always.

And the big loser when it comes to a custody battle? Your kids.

Winning a custody battle requires more than fighting

This doesn’t mean that you should avoid the fight. It does mean don’t fight harder, fight smarter.

If your attorney has not explained that custody battles are won by the most reasonable person, you are being taken for a ride. Being reasonable means:

  • identifying specific strategy goals
  • understanding the motivations of the opposing party, and
  • planning out your case from start to end.

Judges hate overly aggressive parents and their attorneys

Judges all hate to see the overly aggressive attorney bully his way through a motion about where a child should live. And the overly aggressive tactics could backfire if the other parent is able to make a principled stand and establish himself as the more reasoned, balanced parent. Because the overly aggressive parent usually gets punished by the judge. The judge knows that the person who yells the loudest is not usually the person who speaks the most truth.

And judges all know the attorney who routinely fights with no end in mind. When there are close calls, when the judge has evidence of equal weight when making a decision, she’s going to side with the reasonable parent. That means that aggression in a custody battle can result in long-term loss.

That means that the best way to combat the anger, hate, and hostility of aggressive tactics is strength, reason, and compassion. The most reasoned, principled approach creates long-term wins.

And, as a bonus, when you stop fighting everything and at every turn, you reach agreements quicker, you have greater control over the outcome, and the costs are lower. If you are ready to take a principled, strategic approach to custody contact us immediately. We love to help clients who are ready to do the hard work of planning out the decisions and steps in their family law matter. Call us at 509-572-3700. Mention this article for a free consultation worth $100. But you have to do so before the end of September 2019.